Are my kids going to come out of this life style O.K, or are they scarred for life? This is the question I have been asking myself lately. Harold has been gone a lot these last few months, but considering the fact that he is not in Iraq or Afghanistan right now on a 15 month deployment I think we are pretty lucky. He has just been doing the go for two weeks come home for two weeks, go for a week , come home for 5 days go for two more weeks, spend three weeks at home go....... Well you get the picture. So I am thinking that we are getting pretty used to this crazy randomness and all is going O.K. under the circumstances. Until this week.
He is on a two week go away deal when he gets the chance(a week into it) to come home for roughly 24 hours. Is it worth it? For me, heck yea! You take what you can get right. So he comes home for a day and we fill it full. But when he goes to leave my kids lose it. Mostly from the bottom up, but still they all are not cool with it. Like they don't get that we have been given a gift of 24 hours.
So I wonder, would it have been better for them to not have had him come home at all? I have heard that people say the same thing about R&R, it's good for the wife, but bad for the kids.It was like it broke their tender little hearts all over again to have him leave. Even though it is only for like 5 more days. I don't get it. They should be used to it by now. See why I need a therapist. I don't know how to parent kids this way. "Sorry your daddy is gone but if he doesn't get killed he will be home in 6 months to a year". What? Really this is hard. My dad left for the occasional hunting trip but other then that he was home. So I don't know personally how it feels.
Anyone who grew up military, and is not nuts I would love to hear from you. Other mothers of army brats, do you have the answers? I would love to hear them. I have to say that I am finding this very therapeutic to vent right now. Wah wah wah!
I know there is a great deal of good that comes from this life style. Oh, the things my kids have done, the places they have seen, the truly once in a life time opportunities they have had.(Growing-up I barley saw the surrounding states. We are talking exciting places like Wyoming, Arizona.) I do see the good in it but will it, in the long run out weigh the bad? That is my concern.
5 months ago
10 comments:
I don't know what it's like to be an Army brat either. But I know exactly what you mean on the other stuff. We have had 2 video-teleconferences with Jared since he left, and the kids don't do so well with it. (Truthfully I don't do all that great either). It's just an in your face reminder that he's gone.
I've also heard the same about R&R, that some people choose not to do it at all. I think it'll be okay for us, but I guess you never know!
I hope things get better for your kids. =S
Seriously with parents like you & Harold your kids will end up awesome! You pretty much can't go wrong.
I didn't grow up military and I'm nuts so I guess you don't want to hear from me. :-) I also haven't had my husband gone much (just that year in Korea) so I really can't say much. Is Harold's schedule going to be crazy like that the rest of the time you're over there? That would kill me. I seriously don't know how people manage stuff like that. You are totally right--exactly how comforting could it be for a child to hear--"Let's just be happy dad's not dead."? Aren't you glad I stopped by to help out?
I was an Airforce brat. My Dad didn't come home for R&R's and the longest he was gone was like a year. I can't say I'm not crazy but I do think I am stronger for growing up military. My Mom is crazy so that made it hard. So as long as your not crazy your kids will be fine . This comment sounds crazy.Never mind their doomed;P
I have to say, I second all that you said. Is it really good that my kids don't know to miss him, or that him being gone is becoming normal in their lives? We are five months into this deployment and are seriously going to evaluate whether this is what we want. I have to say things have gone better than my worst case senario, we have been blessed in so many ways I probably shouldn't complain, but what are they thinking sending a dad away for a year! How come airforce gets all the perks! They do 6mths max! Sorry, you touched a nerve.
I do agree that with your fun outlook on life your kids will be well. T
thanks for the responses they make me feel better. I know I just need to toughen up and as we say it"Put on your big girl panties" What more can you do but sometimes you just have to vent. Plus their is always the young retirement to look forward to. If they live that long! just kidding. your right Elka it does make you stronger. I hope that is what it's doing for my kids. And the fact that they miss him is good right?
i think your kids are doing great. like you said this life style is totally backward than we had growing up. and i am sad that the girls will not have that. BUT they have so much more. i never thought i would be living in differnt places. i would have been content to stay in the basin. look what i would have missed out on. my main regret is that the girls are not close to family. for deployment i hate the first week he is gone and the first month he is home. it takes a while to reajust.
I am an army brat or was and I'm 17.....no the lifestyle we live or lived no one will understand. But at the sametime it made me stronger and better as a person. Makes u proud of what ur parents did or do in the end it might hurt some kids and it might not. I guess it never hurt me mentaly...I always had friends....my dad retired...and I'm ready to hear where we r moving next though we aren't moving not any time soon....all I have to say is it depends. On the person and how mentally strong they r.
Military pilot who had sex with an 11 year old boy when he was 17 year-old virgin!!!
A JUNIOR IN HIGH SCHOOL WHO HAD SEX WITH AN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL STUDENT!!! He needs to be on a sexual preditor list.
How long did he masterbate and think about having sex with boys? In boot camp? Into his flight training? 20, 25 YEARS OLD??? OLDER???
"Creepy rotten grape attached to an otherwise normal bunch."
Hello! I am an Army brat, and I would like to say that communication is very important. This can be letters, emails, Skype...and it is important to have open discussion if your children ever have any questions or concerns. This includes, if they can, with their father. Let them get to know about what he does.
I did not have this growing up and my parents are divorced now b/c of the lack of communication and I've become emotionally distant myself. I am not sure who gave you that advice, but when he is here DO spend that time together, as a family and as husband and wife.
An army brat setting does make you mentally and emotionally stronger than many other people. We can deal with departure and periods away from other people much better, and comprehend things better, too.
As long there is a strong family life (open communication, everyone feels heard and loved and your children have a good social life in and out of school) I believe they will be fine. That applies for everyone, I suppose we just have to double check for military kids jeje. :)
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